TRANSCRIBED FROM THE MOUNTAIN WAVE NOVEMBER 15, 1918 3
San Antonio, Tex, November 10, 1918
Editor Mountain Wave:
Allow me space in your paper to publish some poetry that a host of Arkansas boys composed in the Officers’ Training School. It has been put on me to have this published in my home paper. We are sending it to all of our home papers. I thank you in advance.
Telephone Conversation Between The Kaiser And The Devil
The Kaiser called the devil up on the telephone one day. The girl at Central listens to what they had to say.
“Hello,” she heard the Kaiser say, “is Old Man Satan home? Just tell him it is kaiser Bill that wants him at the ‘phone.”
The devil says “Hello!” to Bill; and then said, “How are you?” “I am running a hell here on earth, now tell me what to do.”
“What can I do?” the devil said, “my dear old kaiser Bill; if there’s a thing that I can do to help you, sure I will.”
The kaiser said, “Now listen, and I will try to tell the way I am running on earth a modern hell.
“I’ve said this for many years and I’ve started out to kill; that it will be a modern job, you leave to Kaiser Bill.
“My army went through Belgium, shooting women and children down. We tore up all the country and blew up all the towns.
“My Zepps dropped bombs on cities, killing old and young; and those we did not kill, we took them out and hung.
I started out for Paris with the aid of poison gas; but the Belgians, darn ‘em! Would not let us pass.
“My submarines are devils. Why, you should see ‘em fight! They go sneaking through the seas and sink the ships at night.
“I was running things to suit me until a year or so ago; then a man named Woodrow Wilson wrote me to go slow.
“He said to me, ‘Dear William, we don’t want to make you sore, so be sure to tell your U boats to sink our ships no more
“’We have told you for the last time. So, dear Bill, it’s up to you; and if you do not stop it, you will have to fight us, too.’
“I did not listen to him, and he is coming after me with a million Yankees from their homes across the sea.
“Now, that is why I called you, for I want some advice from you. I know that you will tell me just what I ought to do.“
“My dear old Kaiser William, there is not much for me to tell, for the Yankees will make it hotter than you could be in hell.
“I’ve been a mean old devil, but not half as mean as you; and the minute you get here, I’ll give this job to you.
“I’ll be ready for your coming, and I’ll keep the fires bright, and I’ll make your room all ready when the Yankees begin to fight.
“For the boys in khaki will get you; I have nothing more to tell. Hang up your receiver and get your hat and meet me here in hell.”
Kinsy Heard
Officers’ Training School,
Co. 40, 10th B’n, 165th Inf.,
San Antonio, Texas
NOTES:
TRANSCRIBED BY PAYTON DHOOGE
San Antonio, Tex, November 10, 1918
Editor Mountain Wave:
Allow me space in your paper to publish some poetry that a host of Arkansas boys composed in the Officers’ Training School. It has been put on me to have this published in my home paper. We are sending it to all of our home papers. I thank you in advance.
Telephone Conversation Between The Kaiser And The Devil
The Kaiser called the devil up on the telephone one day. The girl at Central listens to what they had to say.
“Hello,” she heard the Kaiser say, “is Old Man Satan home? Just tell him it is kaiser Bill that wants him at the ‘phone.”
The devil says “Hello!” to Bill; and then said, “How are you?” “I am running a hell here on earth, now tell me what to do.”
“What can I do?” the devil said, “my dear old kaiser Bill; if there’s a thing that I can do to help you, sure I will.”
The kaiser said, “Now listen, and I will try to tell the way I am running on earth a modern hell.
“I’ve said this for many years and I’ve started out to kill; that it will be a modern job, you leave to Kaiser Bill.
“My army went through Belgium, shooting women and children down. We tore up all the country and blew up all the towns.
“My Zepps dropped bombs on cities, killing old and young; and those we did not kill, we took them out and hung.
I started out for Paris with the aid of poison gas; but the Belgians, darn ‘em! Would not let us pass.
“My submarines are devils. Why, you should see ‘em fight! They go sneaking through the seas and sink the ships at night.
“I was running things to suit me until a year or so ago; then a man named Woodrow Wilson wrote me to go slow.
“He said to me, ‘Dear William, we don’t want to make you sore, so be sure to tell your U boats to sink our ships no more
“’We have told you for the last time. So, dear Bill, it’s up to you; and if you do not stop it, you will have to fight us, too.’
“I did not listen to him, and he is coming after me with a million Yankees from their homes across the sea.
“Now, that is why I called you, for I want some advice from you. I know that you will tell me just what I ought to do.“
“My dear old Kaiser William, there is not much for me to tell, for the Yankees will make it hotter than you could be in hell.
“I’ve been a mean old devil, but not half as mean as you; and the minute you get here, I’ll give this job to you.
“I’ll be ready for your coming, and I’ll keep the fires bright, and I’ll make your room all ready when the Yankees begin to fight.
“For the boys in khaki will get you; I have nothing more to tell. Hang up your receiver and get your hat and meet me here in hell.”
Kinsy Heard
Officers’ Training School,
Co. 40, 10th B’n, 165th Inf.,
San Antonio, Texas
NOTES:
TRANSCRIBED BY PAYTON DHOOGE